Joy at 46

IMG_1456Yes, ladies and gents, I’m 46.  I’m trying not to be depressed about rounding up to 50.  It seems so much closer but I’m just one day older if you really stop and think about it.

So let’s take a pit stop, regroup, and reflect a little on this 46th milestone.

In light of the misfortunes and controversies that seem constant in our world, I’ve been revisiting what I know to be true:

“The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing.” -Socrates (or as Bill and Ted say, SO-CRATES.)

When I first studied philosophy in college, I came to the conclusion that almost everything in these classes frustrated and boggled me.  I wanted to explode trying to understand all the converging and contradicting ideas.  The idea of knowing nothing made sense to me, since I felt that I truly knew NOTHING after months of studying philosophy.  (No offense Merry and Chris Brown… I know you’ve dedicated your life’s work to studying and working out philosophical ideas.  I think my mind might be broken if I tried to think about philosophy all the time.  Mad respect to both of you.)

On Thursday, my girls decided to walk the 3.6 miles from school to home.  They thought the 8-minute drive would take them about 40 minutes to walk.  Wrong.  At the 40 minute mark, they were still 35 minutes away from home.  Turns out, the walk was an hour and 15 minutes.  (They later said, NEVER AGAIN!  They couldn’t believe HOW LONG it took them to get home.) Now they totally understand why their brother, Boy, doesn’t want to walk home anymore and just waits the 1.5 hours until dad picks him up after school every day.  On further observation, I think what made this especially hard for the girls was their expectation that it would be a shorter walk.  When they got over halfway home, they thought they’d already be at home and exhaustion and expectation made that last half hour excruciating.  Welcome to LIFE, right?  I’ve played this metaphoric scenario out more times than I’d like to admit.  I think the point of this misadventure is, just keep walking.

If you want to achieve your goals, don’t focus on them. (Video attached). If the girls hadn’t focused on the behavior it took to get home (walking) and just focused on the idea of being home, they never would have reached their goal of getting home.  This idea of focusing on the behaviors that help us reach goals seems, well, duh!  But sometimes we focus so much on goals (endpoint) that we forget that we have to DO something to get there.  Sometimes we focus so much on the endpoint that we’re paralyzed to do anything to get to our goal.

I do know a few things:

I know change is constant.

I know that loving people is important.

I know defending the weak and less fortunate is a powerful command that is often overlooked.

I know God exists.

Beyond this, I’m pretty stumped.

There have been a lot of ideas going round and round in my brain lately. I’ve been watching Making a Murderer and idea that you have to follow the evidence where it leads is fascinating to me.  Careful and deep examination of the evidence must occur if justice is to be served.

In Confessions of a Prarie Bitch, I learned that the actress that played Nellie Olson on Little House on the Prarie, Alison Arngrim, had to have more GRIT in real life than she did on the show.  The show helped her survive the tragedy of parts of her childhood and gave her an amazing outlook in adulthood.

If you don’t know anything about me, one thing you should know is that I live in my head.  I am one of the most annoyingly detailed people I know. I am a taskmaster. I make lists and check off lists all day long. This gives me some sort of creepy comfort when things seem chaotic (which is most of the time).  I’m pretty good at focusing on behaviors that help me reach goals, but one thing I’m not very good at is FUN.  You don’t put fun on a checklist, right?  (Well, I kinda did.  After bloodwork, DMV, lunch-Sushi with family, a smiling picture of the family, and a nap yesterday, I did have a plan to go Knott’s on my checklist.)  I don’t do unpredictable amusement park rides post back surgery, but I did ride one of those nauseating spin-in-circle rides. One and done.  And then, spontaneously, as we walked past the arcade, I saw a CLAW MACHINE.  Like a moth to a flame, I found as I got closer that it was a claw machine of unicorns and not just any unicorn, but Dookie, the Squatty Potty Unicorn.  Well, let’s just say, Dookie arrived promptly on my mental checklist and I was going to make the behaviors happen to reach my goal and pull Dookie out of the claw machine.  (Not sorry for the mental image.)

Here’s PURE JOY:



So, let’s end this thing with a quote from SO-CRATES:

“Whom do I call educated? First, those who manage well the circumstances they encounter day by day. Next, those who are decent and honorable in their intercourse with all men, bearing easily and good naturedly what is offensive in others and being as agreeable and reasonable to their associates as is humanly possible to be… those who hold their pleasures always under control and are not ultimately overcome by their misfortunes… those who are not spoiled by their successes, who do not desert their true selves but hold their ground steadfastly as wise and sober-minded men.”

Until the next post, love you loves.


Gastric Bypass Update:

I had biscuits with boysenberry jam on my checklist.  We went to the Chicken Restaurant at Knott’s and indulged in a down home meal of chicken, mashed potatoes, chicken soup, cherry rhubarb, and boysenberry pie. It was delicious.  This is what I wanted instead of a piece of cake.  I don’t normally eat gluten so a biscuit was indulging. It was worth every bite.  Yum.

Now back to my routine.