So, what would YOU do if you saw this dog running toward your full sprint? (This isn’t the actual dog, but it’s a picture that looks most like the perp.) Lucy, my little lovely yippy doggie partner, was attempting to take care of her business in the front yard. I looked up and this huge dog was running full speed toward us. I yelled, “Stop” or “Back off!” to no avail. In the two seconds I had to decide what to do, I didn’t have time to pick up my little Lucy before she was gobbled or mangled (mind you I knew nothing about the dog running full speed toward us). I went into FULL PROTECTION MODE. This is what it looks like: Swing your partner round and round. I couldn’t lift her fast enough, so I did what any normal person would do, I started swinging her by her leash in circles to keep her away from the perp. (Big dog perp thoughts: Oh boy oh boy, I like this game! I like this game. Swinging doggie. Yum.) As I’m swinging Lucy, she is screaming, and at 7 pm, her shrill scared bark screams proceed to bring out 7 of our neighbors. (Mind you, my whole family was home and they didn’t come out because they’re used to her murderous barking.)
You want to know what happens, right?
As I’m swinging her in slow motion, the neighbor across the street comes running. Then the owner from 3 houses down across the street comes running to call her dog. I manage to grab Lucy from her swinging position and hold her. Nervously shaking her head and body with terrified energy, she’s screaming from the rooftops that she felt totally violated and her owner should not have been swinging her like that. How rude. Neighbors come out to console Lucy. The perp goes back home. The neighbor comes to apologize. I’m gracious and shaking. Fortunately, the perp was a big ass teddy bear, but I didn’t know.
Moral of the story: Be prepared to swing your partner round and round. This is my public service announcement.
I would have loved to have video footage of this scene. If you don’t know this about me, I have a terrible habit of laughing at inappropriate times. So once I got to the porch with Lucy, I started giggling, thinking, the neighbors just saw an amazing show, whilst playing the event over and over in my head.
Another observation: I have really amazing neighbors. They are caring, helpful, and compassionate. Obviously, if I had an emergency, all I’d have to do is scream and the village would come to the rescue. This is a test. This is only a test of the emergency broadcast system.
Ladies and gentlemen, whatever situation life throws at you today, may you have the strength to swing your partner, round and round. Square dancing is a thing. It’s a pretty good metaphor for life.
—————————————————————————————————————————————–Gastric Bypass Update:
Still walking.
Still eating.
Still maintaining.
Why You Keep Judging Me? 