So, this has happened to us all, right? We’re sitting with a friend, spouse, date, business associate, eating something green, like a lovely spinach salad with a raspberry vinaigrette. After an hour of chit-chat or heart-to-hearts, we take a look in the mirror in the car or in the bathroom. Stop and look in the mirror. Check teeth. Check nostrils. Whoop, there it is. Bat-in-the-cave. (Gosh, what kind of friend doesn’t tell me when I have at bat in the cave.) Bat-in-the-cave you ask, what’s that?
Maybe it’s because there’s not a word for what happens when you have spinach in your teeth or an unsightly boogie hangin’ post-blow. Yes, I am speaking of the unspeakable, those embarrassing moments that happen to all of us. We need the word for this, like a secret code to point and say, uh, you have a ______. But you don’t want to say all the words, like, “You have spinach in your teeth.” Or “You have a boogie.” You just need one word. One word. I’ve found it, in a slang dictionary. Now you have the word, shultzie. I have no idea the origins of this word, or if it’s legitimate. But… I…need… this word. I’m going to start using it when necessary. When you have one, I’m going to point at your mouth or your nose and say “shultzie” maybe with a raised eyebrow and nod. A courtesy. You’ll know what I mean. I am your friend. We all want to know when we have a shultzie, right? Come on. Let’s make the world a better place and help each other. I’m doin’ my part.
Shultzies and all, you’re fine. You’re fine, really. You’re alright.
Trying hard to breathe, head between my knees
Take my hand and squeeze, say I’m alright.
Whisper in my ear, “happy you are here.”
Everything seems clear, and we’re alright, we’re alright.
Tell me not to trip or to lose sight.
You are walking in my guided light.
Take my hand and help me not to shake.
Say I’m alright, I’m alright.
Say I’m alright, I’m alright.
It’s okay to fear, everything is real.
Nothing left to steal ’cause we’re alright.
We’re alright.
Tell me not to trip or to lose sight.
You are walking in my guided light.
Take my hand and help me not to shake.
Say I’m alright, I’m alright.
Say I’m alright, I’m alright.
Say I’m alright, I’m alright.
Until next Friday. Love you loves.
Gastric Bypass Update:
I’ve been eating too much candy this week. Fear will grip me occasionally when I think I might start down the path of binge eating or stepping off the exercise train. I can’t worry about the future and all the things that might happen. Those what-ifs just take me down a rabbit trail that I’ve been down too many times.
So, I just do the next right thing and try not to stress about the candy.
Try not to stress about the candy. That’s my latest piece of advice. Take it or leave it. 😉
Why You Keep Judging Me? 