So, the title basically sums up my week. I decided that instead of focusing on the rage and racism, I’d focus on the risotto.
First I’ll tell you where the first r words in the alliteration came from. I’ve been raging all week after an encounter I had with another human who thought I was racist. Yes. Me. Racist. Really? “Uh, you don’t know me, and you haven’t seen me interact with anyone for more than 5 minutes.”
This was a HUGE trigger for me. Judgement and being misunderstood make me rage inside.
The title of my blog is ‘why you keep judging me’ for a reason. I’ve often thought that I’m my own worst critic. After this week, just as I thought maybe I had made it through to the other side– to Freedomsville, I found that Judgementsville still exists in my head. For the sake of being discreet, I won’t say what context this encounter occurred, but I will say that I was judged on my status as an educator and my whiteness. This attack was completely unwarranted and unexpected. It rocked me more than an encounter should have. Why?
I was judged. Later, I cried. I thought, ‘Why is this person misunderstanding where I am coming from, and why do I feel so terrible?’ If I told you how the conversation started, you’d laugh.
When people are hell-bent on seeing the world through foggy-bent glasses, you really can’t change their perspective. I knew this intuitively, but I didn’t want to be proselytized into their foggy view of the world. And I didn’t. Wrong move.
So, as a result, I decided to… make risotto. Isn’t this what everyone does when they’re raging, make risotto?
Yes, that’s what I said, you heard me right, RISOTTO.
I’ve been wanting to conquer my first pot (of risotto, I know what you were thinking) for a long time. I’ve been afraid. Risotto has always been scary to me. Maybe it’s the stirring, the timing, the texturing, the high maintenance of it, but I just couldn’t make it happen, UNTIL TODAY.
In Shauna Neiquist’s book, Bread and Wine, she encouraged me to cook and love it. You don’t have to tell me twice Shauna. To love family and friends is a joyful and fulfilling part of life. So that’s what I did today as I made the risotto. I made it and loved on my family for a few minutes.
Here’s the process.
It’s a lot like LIFE.
I’m not sure if it turned out good. I’m not sure if it’s what everyone expected. I’m not sure if it was the right texture.
But.
I made it.
The dutch oven is now completely empty, tummies are full and I can say I made it with my own energy and sweat.
**If you’re not planning to ever make risotto, skip to the last 2 videos. You can definitely skip over all my how-to videos in between. Also, excuse my poor camera quality. I had garlicky fingertips and I was filming from my cell phone.
Here’s how it started:
So how is it that something so simple can turn into a glorious assault to the tastebuds? This is what food should be. I know many of us don’t have the time or the confidence to cook, but it’s so satisfying when you make a pot of deliciousness for your family.
If you haven’t read Bread and Wine I highly recommend it. The book will make you want to cook and entertain and love.
Now, who wants to come over for my next pot of risotto?
Until next Friday. Love you loves.
Gastric Bypass Update:
This week I had my 6 month post surgery visit with Dr. Lamar. He was impressed with my weight loss.
I told him of my concerns about hair loss and he said it’s completely normal for anyone who has rapid weight loss (not just weight loss surgery) to lose hair, but it will come back.
I have to go in and do blood work to make sure I’m getting the proper nutrients.
Weight loss has slowed.
I’d like to lose 100 pounds, just to say I did it, but I’m reevaluating whether or not that’s the best goal for me. I’d have to lose 30 more pounds and well, I just don’t want to get into that obsessive, I MUST LOSE MORE mentality. I’m striving to be content where I am. And, this is no easy task.
Why You Keep Judging Me? 