The office was surprisingly quiet as I was the only one in the waiting room. The waiting room was pleasant with several ‘oversized’ chairs available for those whose hips wouldn’t fit comfortably in the regular-sized chairs.
Today I met with the nutritionist, Lorrie. First, the weigh in and height measurement. She walked me through what’s to come over the next few months. At intake, she asked questions like, “When do you think you started creeping up to your current weight?” (Post pregnancies.) “What’s your highest weight?” (I’ll decline to state at this time…here.) “What was your lowest weight?” (109 lb anorexic-like at 17.) “What weight loss programs have you tried?” (Weight watchers, Atkins, Curves Diet, Personal Trainer/eating plan, Oreo Diet at 17 years old: eat 1 oreo, because oreos are good and if I only eat 1 and NOTHING else in 24 hours, I’ll lose weight.) After the overview of my weight loss history, the next step was, “Take me through a normal day of what you eat.” Oh brother, here we go. Yes, I get to admit how bad I eat, can’t wait!
- Here goes: Morning- coffee with 1/2 n 1/2, 9:45 protein bar.
- Lunch at El Pollo salad with avocado & dressing, beans, chicken, rice.
- Snack time: worst time after school- hunger & stress- trail mix, piece of chocolate, whatever else I can find in my cabinet at school.
- Before dinner dinner: Laughing Cow spicy chipotle cheese and gluten free crackers, Kevita or Kombucha drink, gotta get those probiotics in.
- Dinner: Whatever crockpot meal I have prepared, usually some sort of chicken/protein and starch potatoes or rice, with a salad.
- After 7 or 8pm: Yogurt with chia seeds or occasional ice cream. I told *Lorrie, I know I don’t eat enough fruits and vegetables. She validated me and said, “Well that’s honest. *She’s been through sensitivity training or maybe she’s naturally empathetic. It’s working, thanks Lorrie!
I’m tired, after just writing that bullet list. Writing what I eat EVERY bite seems, just ridiculous, tedious, and life-sucking. Yet, this is what I’ve had to do over the years to lose weight. Yes, I know that journaling what you eat is supposed to make you more successful in the weight loss process. <<Insert Forrest Gump voice here.>> Not gonna do it, after sitting through Weight Watcher meeting after Weight Watcher meeting, I realized something… I really don’t want to be one of ‘those people’ that weighs her underwear to make sure she’s picked the lightest pair in her drawer. I don’t really want to wear the same clothes to weigh in so I can MAKE SURE I don’t gain weight on my Saturday morning weigh in. Letting the scale have power over my mood, my week, my outlook on life was just plain ridiculous and it goes back to that navel-gazing idea that I posted in my first post about being obsessed over what happens on the scale. I don’t want to be 65, at a Weight Watcher meeting, banking points for the upcoming event so I can eat a few bites of birthday cake. Is it just me, or is this just so, so, so depressing? I want to eat cake, dammit.
Speaking of depressing, Lorrie, “So, you talked about trail mix, let’s look at the nutrition in trail mix.” Serving size for an average sized back of trail mix: 6 servings. Each serving: 150 calories. Multiply that by 6 and yes, mathematicians, you got it, a whoppin’ 900 calories. Collective, Ugh! I just wanna eat trail mix, dammit. 3500 calories, that’s what it takes in deficit caloric intake to lose a pound of fat, so I need to cut back on the trail mix. Sometimes I just feel paralyzed. What do I eat?
Movement was the next topic, move more. Try to move at work. Start with 10 minutes and move up to 30-45 minutes 3-5 days a week.
I asked about emotional eating & post surgery, if I am emotional eater, will I actually feel hunger pains, would I feel full? I’m so used to not feeling full. I just eat to satisfy the need to fill something. I don’t eat because I’m hungry, I eat to soothe myself. Lorrie said that I was asking good questions, that I would feel full after eating just a small amount because my stomach will be smaller. She said we’d go over what to expect post surgery in our upcoming appointments. We’ll be having our next 5 sessions in a group, with others who are going through this process at the same time. If I do my part, she said, I’d probably be ready for surgery in February.
As far as ‘feeling full’ goes, I’ll believe it when I feel it. Right now, I’m going to still eat trail mix and cake, just maybe a little less, and move a little more. Hoop 2 jumped through. 5 more group nutrition classes to go.